I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize