All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
