dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
