I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
