we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
