so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so let's talk penis.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize