her vagine was all disorganized.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
