woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize