I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize