Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
