I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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