All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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