I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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