Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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