Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
