So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
