I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
