So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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