I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
