I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
