I'm jealous of your bromance
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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