I am puke
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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