dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
