When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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