i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
