i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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