Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
