We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
