I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
