No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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