im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
