check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
