I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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