Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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