Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
