That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
