and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
