Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
