i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
