Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
