The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
