It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
