Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
