ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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