the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My vagina is very pro this idea
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
