i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
