Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
