The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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