a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
