honey bunches of taint.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize