Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
