dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
