it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize