How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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