thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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