In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
