big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
