when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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