I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize