she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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