The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
