textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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