watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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