i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
pop tarts are not kleenex
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize