Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
