wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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