If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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