Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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