Swine flu. Run for my life!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
