1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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