He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Floor bacon is actually really good
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
