Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
