Who wears a wallet chain?!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
