Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my liver is dry heaving
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
