I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
