What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
