The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
