if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
