I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize