If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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