HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
