He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
