I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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