Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
