Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize