She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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